Slipping Through Her Fingers
by Tabbyluna
Summary: She once had a dream. A fantasy which she wanted to come true. But when she was the closest to fulfilling that dream, it all just turned to dust, and slipped through her fingers.


Alone on the mountain top, Sonic Boom allowed herself to mourn the loss of her children. They technically survived that battle. Thank goodness they did. They were the only family she had left. But though she fought tooth and nail, protecting them as much as she could, she was only one woman. All four of her babies couldn't have come out of the skirmish unharmed.

Still, this spell - this curse - that was on them. This had to be worse than death. The wizard had no doubt been a powerful spellcaster. He had fallen and died; there was no way he would survive a fall down the rocky mountain. But because of that, there was no way she could do anything - threaten, maybe even torture - to have him lift the curse. This curse, to be reincarnated for eternity. To never grow older than a mere babe. This fate could have been avoided so easily too. She would give everything she had left, and more, if only her babies could avoid this being their permanent destiny.

When she was younger, she believed that destiny was malleable. Now, as a grown woman, she held on to that belief. Her mind began to imagine all the possible ways this curse could have been prevented.

If only she hadn't screamed so loud, she would have still been able to threaten the wizard to break the curse. If only she had been more careful, and trusted that feeling she had that morning, that something was off. She would have been on her guard and ready to fight. If only she had laid her eggs somewhere else. A forest, a cave, any place other than the mountains, which she had once thought were so safe. If only _he_ had been there!

Her mate, her darling, her dear. He ran off weeks ago with someone else. Another woman. With feathers more blue and eyes a brighter green. She was left alone to lay her eggs herself. In the darkness of the night, she cursed his name, damning him to a fate just as cruel as their children's, as hot tears flowed down her face.

She had always wanted to be a mother. To be able to protect something so vulnerable, so precious. To watch something grow from helpless and curious to strong and wise. To be the parental figure she never had in her own life. The thought appealed to her so much, even as a young, orphaned girl. As she watched over those four blue eggs, wrapped tightly around her brawny arms, she thought bitterly at how disappointed her younger self would have been of her. She had been a terrible mother. She had absolutely blown it.

She had wanted to see them grow. Two boys and two girls, according to superstitions based on egg shapes. No matter who they turned out to be, whether her daughters were sweet and ladylike or rough and tumble. Whether her sons were gentle and soft-hearted or wild and boisterous. She would have loved them any way they were.

Sonic Boom had once dreamed of a future with her children. Where she would watch them grow up to be good, strong people. Skylands was never peaceful, there would and could always be something out there set on killing you or ruining your life. But the thought of taking on the world with her family, as a family, it made Sonic Boom less afraid somehow. She would teach her children to be kind and courteous. To be strong and courageous. She would teach them humility and self-respect. She wanted them to have everything she never had when she was younger. When they grew up, she would have hoped they turned out to become better than she ever would be.

There was a happy future in mind. She had been determined to make it completely different from her own childhood. No going to bed hungry, they would fish and pick berries and hunt as a family. There would be no confusing puberties, they would always head to a library together and try to figure things out together. And especially, no nights where they would cry themselves to sleep. It had been a hallmark of her childhood. Her, huddled in a cave or under a large tree, crying over an injury she had sustained that day, or a particularly scary, life-threatening incident. No, she never wanted her children to encounter anything like that. In a weird, twisted way, she got her wish. They would never grow old enough to ever feel any emotions as complex as that. When she realised this cruel way, in which her wish had been fulfilled, she could only cry some more. Her heart felt like it was made of paper, and a pair of scissors had come to snip it apart, piece by piece.

Her dreams had been dashed. Life had taken the one thing she had left worth living for away from her. Only she could not simply end her life then and there. She had heard the conditions of the curse when the wizard had cast his spell. Even if she died, the curse would still live on. She had to keep fighting on, no matter how much it hurt to continue. No matter how much pain she had to endure. If they had to be cursed, it would be best if they weren't orphaned in the same day.

She could not be so selfish and subject them to the exact same fate as she did. After all, she still hoped that fate was malleable. She had sworn to herself that she would never let her children be orphaned, and if anything, she was determined to at least fulfil that promise to her younger self. Another sniffle was swallowed. She lifted a claw to wipe away her tears.

Tonight, there was a full moon out. Bitterly, she recalled something she had read once in a book. It was a fairytale. One which she needed to read herself, instead of having it read to her as a bedtime story. It was a creation myth, which said something about how the moon was a mother to all of Skylands' creatures. Similar to how the sun was a father, and would assume a "paternal" role, so to speak, the moon would care for her young. Allowing them to rest when they were tired. Providing them with light when it was dark, which let them to see when they were scared. Letting them learn of change, and helping them to adapt to such changes. When she was younger, she used to look up at the moon and pretend that it was her mother. Falling asleep and dreaming sweet dreams where that was a reality.

But now, as a grown woman, she found herself doing the same thing. Her green eyes looked to the moon, bloodshot from all of her crying that evening. If the moon was her mother, then it would assume the duties of a mother. And through what she had read up on motherhood, she knew that one of her duties was to help her children assuming things ever got too overwhelming. And so she stared up at the sky, with pleading eyes. It was a childish act, and she knew it. There was no way the moon could possibly help her now. But still, she stared up there. Though she was a grown woman, there was still a part of her, locked deep inside, who was a scared young girl. And that inner child looked to the moon, searching for the comfort and the will to keep soldiering on that it provided for her many years ago. In hopes that once again, like a mother ideally should, it would selflessly provide.


End file.
